Sitting on the beach at the most beautiful lake imaginable here in Idaho, you would think I would be filled with joy, relaxing with my husband, gazing at my three beautiful children.
Instead behind my gigantic sunglasses there are tears streaming, and I am having a visit with a terrible thief who likes to compare my life with others, and he is stealing my joy.
It happens every holiday. Every birthday I can ever imagine I am curled up on my bed eyes puffy and red with tears. Christmas, the holiday I absolutely love is almost impossible to enjoy. I never really had this happen on the 4th of July though.
And it hit me. I am incredibly lonely.
Instead of just being thankful I have a sweet family to spend the day with I am sad that we aren’t spending the day with lots of other people. It’s a problem that has intensified since baby #3 came into our world. Oh those post-partum blues.
The main problem with these feelings of loneliness is that I start to get angry at my awesome husband, and best friend. The one person who is always there with me on those lonely sad days. I blame him that we have no friends, or I say that he isn’t fun. It’s so wrong, and I’m so thankful that he is able to balance me and help me see what I am doing.
I’m so not the girl who goes on facebook and gets all sad that I am not invited.
I am not the girl who sees everyone on their boats and years to be with them.
I am not that girl.
Dear Jesus, I need your help during these months when I am feeling sad and lonely. I need to embrace this time of quiet. Please help me be the kind of wife that encourages and lifts up my family. Help me to enjoy the holidays and not be overwhelmed with sadness.