Valentine’s Day in our House: repost from 2015
Does anybody else get really emotional and overwhelmed on Valentines Day?
Well, let me tell you right away, I don’t, not anymore.
But, in the past, it wasn’t that easy.
I guess I thought I would get married and I would never, NOT get a present on Valentines day. Or a date, or a card, but, well, I married a man who is not a romantic guy. That is just not his thing, and ladies, if you are newly married or married for ten years and you put expectationson your husband you are on a slippery slope to some miserable times.
First of all, let me give you some back story.
I married a guy who is super loyal, encouraging, amazing at communicating, and he loves me very much.
Instead of focusing on those qualities in my husband I spent 7 years disappointed, no really. Bawling, crying on every single holiday because it hadn’t turned out as I had EXPECTED.
I mean I was miserable.
I made myself so unhappy. I focused so much on what I wasn’t getting that I wasn’t able to see what I had. I was blinded by the commercials, the facebook posts, and more. I was constantlyCOMPARING our marriage to others. Oh dear, that is so dangerous.
So a funny story, that I am able to laugh about now, but it was a terrible day.
and just, know that this happened after a lot of healing had happened in our marriage, and I had already learned to let go of expectations.
Probably 3 years ago I got a text from my husband:
J: I am going to stop and pick up something for you for Valentine’s day, where should I go.
Me: oh! really!? YAY! Definitely TARGET
On valentines day he gives me a stuffed dog. Clearly from Wal-mart.
Do you know me at ALL!!! I am a Target girl.
I do not like nicknacks. I do not like stuffed animals.
I really did laugh at the moment, and I actually, said, “what the heck is this??”
I won’t go on, but it ended in a fight, He was upset that I didn’t like the present, (I mean, COME ON) but I needed him to know that no present at all would have been better than a dog because to me it made me feel like 8 years of marriage and he knows nothing about me! I am such a girl…
Our Valentine’s day conversation this year was much different and it made me laugh so hard, and it also made me proud of myself for how much I’ve grown.
J: oh, Valentine’s day is coming up Saturday
Me: Yes, yes it is.
J: Do I need to get you something. … yah. I need to get you something.
Me: No, babe, really it’s ok. I promise. I really really promise.
J: oh, no, I am sure I need to get you a present.
Me: no, Really, I just want a massage (hey I’m pregnant!)
J: oh, do I need to like call and get you a massage?
Me: no, I can do it. I PROMISE it’s ok! but, oh hey! I have an idea! How about you watch Pitch Perfect (my guilty pleasure) with me!! oh that would be so much fun!
J: ok, I can do that. You are sure I don’t need to go get you something?
(I have scary flash back to stuffed dog)
Me: I promise.
So Valentine’s day in our house is about the kids. My husband and I don’t need a special day to talk about how much we love each other. I am a holiday kind of person, It’s just what I like to do. I love to make the kids special pancakes, and get them a box of chocolates, I am going to make a special family dinner and we’ll watch a movie.
Jim will watch Pitch Perfect with me tonight and I bet he’ll even rub my feet. But I feel love from him everyday. In his own way.
When I read, “The 5 Love Languages” oh so long ago, I learned that I am a gift giver, and I love gifts. But I also learned that my husband is not. And instead of getting mad and thinking, “Well, you don’t speak my love language! What’s wrong with you?” I learned to see how he was expressing his love to me in his own way, and to be honest my love language has changed.
because I would feel pretty bummed out, all the time, if I was constantly wanting a thoughtful gift! That is just not something he is good at!!!!
So he is an acts of service kind of guy, he rubs my feet, helps me with the laundry, warms up my car on cold mornings, and shovels the snow so I have a path.
He is also a words of affirmation guy. He is really good at communicating, He seriously has encouraged me in absolutely everything I’ve ever wanted to do.
He is a great man.
And if you are married to a man that is not very romantic, and you have a lot of expectations on how a holiday, or a date night or even a marriage should look like, I encourage you to let those expectations go. Let them go, and see your husband for who he really is. Appreciate what he DOES do, don’t moan and groan about what he doesn’t.
If there’s something that you want for Valentine’s day, or any holiday, get it for yourself! I learned that I am much better at getting presents for myself than my husband is. And I don’t end up with a bunch of dumb gifts that I I don’t like. 🙂